Child Arrangements

Child Arrangement Mediation

When parents separate, one of the most important things to resolve is how your children will spend their time. Child custody mediation (more formally known as child arrangement mediation) helps you and the other parent reach practical, workable agreements about your children, without going to court.

A child arrangement order is a court order that decides where a child lives, who they spend time with, and other important decisions about their upbringing. Before you can apply for one, you must attend a MIAM. But mediation gives you the chance to agree these arrangements yourselves, without a judge deciding for you.

According to the Family Mediation Council, over 70% of mediation cases involving children result in a successful agreement. When parents are able to cooperate and communicate, the outcomes are almost always better for the children involved. Court proceedings, by contrast, can take an average of 450 days to resolve (National Audit Office), leaving families in limbo for over a year.

What Child Arrangement Mediation Covers

• Where your children will live and how they will split their time between both parents.
• Child contact arrangements for weekdays, weekends, and overnight stays.
• Holiday contact arrangements including school holidays, Christmas, birthdays, and special occasions.
• Schooling decisions including school choice disputes, involvement in school events, and who receives school communications.
• Medical decisions including consent to treatment, vaccinations, and registration with a GP or dentist.
• Relocation dispute mediation where one parent wants to move to a different area or country.
• Communication between parents, including handover arrangements and how day-to-day decisions are made.

Every family is different, and the issues that matter most to you may not appear on any list. One of the strengths of mediation is that you set the agenda. If something matters to your children’s wellbeing, it belongs in the conversation. In my experience, it is often the small, practical details — who picks up from football on a Wednesday, how bedtime routines work across two homes — that make the biggest difference to how children settle into new arrangements.

50/50 Custody Arrangements

Many parents search for information about 50/50 custody in the UK. While the courts do not automatically grant equal time, mediation is one of the best ways to explore whether a shared care arrangement could work for your family. Your mediator will help you think through the practicalities: school runs, work schedules, distance between homes, and most importantly, what is in the best interests of your children.

A 50/50 arrangement does not have to mean exactly equal time. It could mean alternate weeks, a 4/3 split, or a pattern that fits around your family’s routine. Mediation allows you to design something that works, rather than having a standard order imposed by the court.

What I often explain to parents is that the label matters less than the reality. A child who spends three nights a week at one home and four at the other is not experiencing anything fundamentally different from a 50/50 split. What matters is that the arrangement is consistent, predictable, and puts your child’s needs first. Children thrive on routine, and the best arrangements are the ones both parents can commit to reliably, week after week.

Putting Your Children First

When parents separate, children are often caught in the middle. Mediation puts your children’s needs at the centre of every discussion, helping you decide together where they will live, how they will spend time with each parent, and how to handle the day-to-day decisions that matter.

Unlike court proceedings, where a judge makes decisions based on limited information, mediation gives you, the people who know your children best, the space to create arrangements that genuinely work for your family.

Research from the Nuffield Family Justice Observatory consistently shows that children adjust better to separation when their parents are able to communicate and cooperate. Conflict between parents, not the separation itself, is the factor most strongly associated with negative outcomes for children. Mediation is specifically designed to reduce that conflict. It creates a structured, neutral space where both parents can speak and be heard, with a trained mediator guiding the conversation away from blame and towards solutions.

What to Expect in Child Arrangement Mediation

The process begins with each parent attending a separate MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting). This is a private, one-to-one session where your mediator listens to your situation, explains the process, and helps you think about what you want to achieve. There is no pressure and no obligation to continue to joint sessions.

If both parents agree to mediate, joint sessions are arranged. These typically last 90 minutes and take place online via a secure video call. Most families need between 2 and 4 sessions to reach an agreement, though more complex situations may take longer.

During sessions, your mediator helps you work through each issue systematically. You are not expected to agree on everything in the first session. Progress often happens gradually, as both parents begin to see the situation from a broader perspective. It is not unusual for the most productive breakthroughs to come in the second or third session, once the initial tension has settled.

Parenting Plan

A parenting plan is a written agreement between you and the other parent that sets out how you will raise your children after separation. It is not legally binding on its own, but it provides a clear framework that both parents can refer to.

Your mediator can help you create a detailed parenting plan covering:

• Where the children will live during the week and at weekends
• Holiday contact arrangements for school breaks, Christmas, Easter, and birthdays
• How handovers will work (time, location, who does the drop-off)
• School choice and involvement in education
• Medical and dental decisions
• How you will communicate as co-parents
• How future disagreements will be handled

A good parenting plan is a living document. As your children grow, their needs change. A plan that works brilliantly for a four-year-old may need adjusting when they start secondary school. Building in a review mechanism, perhaps agreeing to revisit the plan every 12 months or at key transition points, helps both parents stay aligned without needing to return to mediation each time.

A parenting plan costs a fixed fee of £150 per person at BookMIAM.

Shuttle Mediation

We understand that not everyone feels comfortable being in the same room or on the same call as the other party. We offer shuttle mediation, where you and the other parent are in separate spaces and the mediator moves between you. This can take place online or in person. Whatever feels right for you.

Shuttle mediation is particularly useful where there has been a high level of conflict, where one parent feels intimidated by the other, or where emotions are still very raw. It removes the pressure of face-to-face interaction while still allowing both parents to participate fully in the process. Many parents who start with shuttle mediation find that, over time, they feel ready to move to joint sessions.

Child Inclusive Mediation

If appropriate, we can also offer child inclusive mediation, which gives older children a safe, age-appropriate space to express how they feel, without asking them to take sides or make decisions. This is not about putting your child in the middle. It is about making sure their voice is heard in a way that is comfortable and supportive.

Child inclusive mediation is typically suitable for children aged around 10 and above, though this depends on the individual child’s maturity. The child meets with a specially trained mediator separately from their parents. What they share is then fed back to the parents in a way that respects the child’s confidence while helping inform the decisions being made. Parents are often surprised by how thoughtful and perceptive their children’s observations are.

MIAM for C100

If you need to apply to the court for a child arrangement order, you will need to complete a C100 form. Before you can submit a C100, you must attend a MIAM. Your mediator will sign the relevant section of the form after your MIAM. If the other party refuses to attend mediation, your mediator will confirm this on the form, allowing you to proceed with your court application.

The C100 form cost (court fee) is currently £263. You can attend a MIAM and have your C100 signed within days at BookMIAM, with no waiting lists.

Related Guides

• What Is a MIAM?
• How Mediation Works
• Financial Mediation
• £500 Voucher Scheme
• Pricing

Need help with child arrangements? Book a free 15-minute chat to talk through your situation.